i have a daughter, she 15 weeks old.
recently took her round to see my boyfriends mum, but every time i go round there shes always picking out things I'm supposedly not doing properly, such as not holding her properly.
was wondering if anyone else has the same problem
just reply to this to let me know
thanks
Kellie xWhat flaws have other family members been picking out about your parenting skills?
Oh my, I know exactly what you mean! When i first had my son a lot of things were picked out!
My dad - ';Have you got his head properly, Be careful!'; About every 2 minutes!!
My mum - ';Have you tested that bottle, you sure its the right temperature?'; Duh, would i be feeding it to him if it was too hot?!!
MIL - ';He should be eating more then that, i'll cook him some more'; If wanted him to have more i would have cooked it myself!!
FIL - '; You should let him crawl around, he can't break anything'; No but do i look like i want your dogs licking my baby to death!!?
Just some of the things i would do wrong lol and yes it was very frustrating but unfortunately you can't seem to do anything about it!! For example, my son is 13 months old now and the other day we was around the in-laws and i had given my son a little bit of milky bar, wrapped it up and told him he could have some more later. Oh no, my MIL decided to call him and ask him if he would like some more chocolate, i said no but hey did that matter she still takes it from my bag and gives him some more!!
You simply can't win, my advice just let it go over your head and ignore it. unless you do that you will go crazy and no grandparents or anyone else will listen!
Good Luck, Maria xWhat flaws have other family members been picking out about your parenting skills?
I think everyone has relatives that critiscise their parenting. But what you need to look at is if you really are doing it inappropriatly. For example, are you supporting her head correctly? Are you holding her around her belly (think the way you would carry a note book in your arms, holding the baby by the belly) which is proven to cause medical problems?
If it is just a different style and your way is correct as well, then you need to tell them to back off. I get you may not want to be rude, but be rude about it. If you are doing something wrong, then be receptive and change what you are doing. Only you can evaluate whether she is just meaning well or if you are wrong.
My in-law's would never outright say I was doing something wrong - but it'd be hinted at. Maybe your b/fs mum doesn't realise that she comes across as rude and interfering, she may think she is helping?
I'd learn to ignore it, this is a common problem for most people. Personally, i hate that my MIL buys my daughter every thing she might possibly want (probably in several different colours) and gives her sweets when I expressly say not to, but it doesn't make any difference. I've learned to let it go over my head and to donate extra toys to my local hospital!
Best of luck.
I wouldn't ignore it. However since it's your boyfriends mom, I don't think I would say anything either. I would say something to my boyfriend and if he didn't do something to make the situation right, then I wouldn't take your daughter to her house so often and if she asked why, I would tell her why.
One thing I tell my children is....every parent does the best we can. Kids don't come with instruction manuals because every parent have their own idea on how to raise their children and we really don't know how successful were are until our children grow up.
I have a sh*it load of things my parents did that I would never do as a parent and I am sure that my children will have their own load. She had her chance to raise children and now it's your turn.
congradulations on your new baby. when i first had mine, i was sensitive towards others advice. it seems neverending, and it will be never ending. the in-laws especially seem to typically be extra critical.
just don't let it get to you, you are a good mum. it will die down a bit (not go away) in a few months.
just thank them, act as if it's great tips, and keep doing things your own way. it's easy than fights.
i practice attachment parenting/co sleeping/ do not spank, i get a lot of family pickings. now that my son is 3 1/2, i just know it's coming and it doesn't even bother me anymore.
My mother in law is always making rude comments on the fact that I don't want to use the highchair and crib my husband had as a baby. I keep telling her they are not safe and I don't care if he turned out okay, that I'm not willing to risk the chance when it comes to my son. She also keeps coming home from yard sales with really old crap (strollers, car seats, dirty toys) and gets upset when i don't want them. I don't even need them, I got everything brand new at my baby shower. He's 6 1/2 months now and she still won't let it go. She even told me that I believe too much of what I read when it comes to that stuff.
Drives me insane!! She picks on everything I do because it's not the way she did it but that was 30 years ago...lots change in 30 years.
you are not alone
i was 32 when i had my son (first and only) and still everyone and their dog wanted to tell me they knew far better than me how to bring my son up so it has little to do with you being young
amid the conflicting advice (and very little actual HELP) i decided to ignore the lot of them and follow my best instincts
result? one well balanced child who has stable friendships with the nicer children (usually) who is doing well at school
i would advise you the same - follow your instincts regarding your own child and ignore all the do gooders who tell you different (other than professionals that is)
and as to your mother in law - is her name joan by any chance?
When you get pregnant and have a baby, the one thing you will get in abundance, that you don't need, is unwanted criticism and advice. Remember that some people think that whatever they have done in their lives has worked great for them so that gives them a reason to tell someone else how to do things. It's like cutting a sandwich in half vertically or diagonally... people who do it one way will always thing their way is better.
Don't worry about the boyfriend's mom and just let her unsolicited advice go in one ear and straight out the other.
Kellie, try not to let her get to you. I think it's pretty common for mothers/mothers-in-law to nitpick about things like that. I know it's irritating.
My son is a bit older, he's 17 and my mother just told me recently that she thinks he's too ';clingy'; toward me. I'm a single parent and have been through my share of heartaches, and the truth is my son is very protective of me, I think that's why he might be a little clingy.
Good luck!!
i had many people try to tell what to do with my kids. i stopped breastfeeding early with my daughter and my mother in law would not leave me along about it every time we visited she would ask me to try breastfeeding my daughter again and ask if she could just show me the proper way to do it.
Joan R's DIL has the same problem.
It's jealousy, her precious boy has found someone to spend their life with and they are no longer centre of attention, the old bags.
Rise above it, and thank her for the advice but you actually want to figure this out on your own.
Congratulations on the baby!
my family never picked out flaws. They never said anything bad even tho I breastfed them till 2.5 which they didn't agree with they kept it to themselves. Admitingly I didn't have to deal with inlaws as my kids have no Dad but my family supported me and thought I did a great job. Very lucky I guess
i was told by my mother that i was ';starving'; my daughter by breast feeding her instead of feeding her formula. I wasn't and the doctor told me she was growing just fine. It was hard to ignore her comments, but I did what I felt was right and continued to breastfeed her.
Mother in Law.....
When my oldest son was a baby, he had colic + acid reflux. One of the things that calmed him was waling with him and gently bouncing. I did this in front of her......and she informed me that I was going to give him brain damage, he was going to turn out retarded.
Just practice the 'smile and nod', a practice us mommies get very good at with age.
No you are not alone at all. I had the mother-in-law from h*ll! It didn't matter what I did for my daughter it was always wrong from burping her to changing her diaper. If it bothers you just nicely tell her if you need advise you will ask for it.
This has never happened to me, considering I'm a bit young, but ignore your boyfriend's mother. She shouldn't be criticizing you. No one knows their own child like their own mother. You'll know if you've been doing something wrong.
Ignor her.
She is trying to parent your baby. Have a word with your boyfriend if it gets really annoying but for now, try to cope with it, however much it annoys you.
everyone likes to give advice that's why Yahoo answers is so popular, just thank her and do what suits you best.
No comments:
Post a Comment