How would one go about co-parenting when the other refuses to do so?

Specifically on the issue of potty training. My daughter is 3 years old and it is time she learn to use the potty. At my house I have incorporated stickers as a reward for using the potty and at first it was working but now my daughter has lost interest in the stickers and this weekend would not sit on the potty. I don鈥檛 believe in spanking so I don鈥檛 want to do that. I have tried to talk to her mom about getting a plan together and having it be consistent between both houses but do you know what she told me. She refuses to speak to me about it and states that we must work it out in court (btw, she is crazy). Her mom does not put her on the potty. I know this because my daughter has told me so. I am sick of the diapers and it is time she learned to use the potty. She is big enough but if her mom refuses to work with me. I have her almost half the time. What can I do being that she is only at my house little less than half the time and her mother refuses to co-parent?How would one go about co-parenting when the other refuses to do so?
It is never easy to potty train especially when there isn't help from her main home. All of my potty trained children were different to deal with.





My best suggestion would be to stick with the rewards. Maybe even try to get her super syked about it and make chart type pics to take home with her so she has that visual with her all the time. Granted mom may toss it out but at least she has the visual for an amount of time. Not something that she would need to take back and forth, just a daily log kind of. Let her decorate it everyday.How would one go about co-parenting when the other refuses to do so?
Sounds like my husband's ex-wife.





Once you've accepted that your dream of co-parenting is never going to work, you're left with two choices...





1) Keep on banging your head against a brick wall





2) Move on to plan b - Parallel Parenting. You do your thing when your daughter is with you. You hope that she's happy %26amp; healthy when she isn't, but otherwise just let it go. Of course, you'll do things like attending parent-teacher conf's, open houses, communicate re: medical/dental, other things that cannot be avoided. But, otherwise, as long as you know yoru daughter is physically safe, you let mom do her thing when her daughter is with her.





Your daughter *can and will* adapt to this easily at her age. And, she will learn from you, as she will learn from mom in her own way, too. It's simply 'My house, my rules', without any disparaging of mom (or her rules) when your daughter is with you. This works best if you are teaching your child ideas, behaviors %26amp; ways of living that can become part of who she is - not just 'what she is supposed to do to avoid punishment %26amp; earn rewards'.





Potty training happens when she's with you. You don't do it just for the physical rewards, though. You get her to do it for the sense of accomplishment %26amp; self-worth that she feels when she's successful. When she comes to you, you start over from where you left off.





She won't be wearing diapers to high school. She will learn this. Why cause her stress, why let her feel the stress between mom %26amp; dad? Why not just ';Dad does things this way'; and ';Mom does things that way';. And, that's not a problem, that's just who they are.





Go google 'Parallel Parenting' - I think you'll find many good ideas there to carry you peacefully %26amp; positively through the oncoming 15 years.
my friend potty trained w/o moms help and he only saw child on weekend. Well, thats not true, he didnt potty train child but he taught child not to wet bed. and soon the mother suit by also doing the same technique.





by the way-even of child is 3 and not trained-the mother will also get tired of diapers and want to work together eventually. either way, i dont know any 7 year olds that arent PT so it will work itself out.


good luck
All you can do is try to work with her at your house, which will eventually work but will take much longer since her mom sounds too lazy to try. Buy her some pretty lacy ';big girl panties'; and talk to her about how she is a big girl now and she should not mess up her big girl panties. Take her regularly to the potty and when she goes praise her and tell her what a good girl she is. We used M%26amp;M's as a reward but you may not want to do the sugar thing. That's what worked best for my daughter. No matter what your wife is doing, each time you get her go through the same routine. She will eventually learn it. Most kids manage to go to school potty trained whether they are encouraged or not. :-)
Unfotunately I have this same problem with my ex. Whenever our daughter goes to his house the rules and routine I have set for her go out the door and it's like I have to deprogram her and get her back into the swing of things everytime I get her back. My ex refuses to co-parent as well. It's a very hard situation and all I can say is that fine, go to court and try to get it all settled, see a mediator or if things are really bad and if you already have a lawyer see if you can get a case manager, which I just got in my case. I'm told a case manager will make my life much easier, so we'll see.





Unfortunately, a lot of people are like that in that they only want to go to court and cost the other parent money. Nothing ever gets accomplished. In regards to your child telling you things....things get constrewed with a child trying to interpret and say what they think is going on, granted I believe my 4 1/2 year old over her father but that is also how others may see it. You can't take a child's word because they are a child. Like many have told me and with my experience of going to court about 4 times now in 3 years, it will go on forever, the other person will ALWAYS be difficult to deal with. You will have to deal with this until your kid is 18. It's a sad thing and the real person that suffers is the child. I know in my case, someone refusing to co-parent will more than likely end up with a judge telling you both you need to go to parenting classes. Good Luck!!!
I understand your anger and frustration but you can not do anything about the other parent. I have a step child and my husband and I get so mad at the other parent but there is nothing we can do. NOTHING!! When my step-child is at her house I have no control and that is just something you are going to have to learn to deal with. It is sad but there is nothing you can do you can only control what happens at your house. All you can do is be a good parent when you have your child. Good Luck
First , this whole co -parenting , thing ,. You are the father right , then that makes you a Parent ..not a co parent , I do not recommend spanking to potty train either , but if you do not believe in it all together then your troubles are just starting ,





Anyway , if the mother is not doing anything to help you properly train you daughter , or help develop her over all well being then maybe you as the father need to get custody based on the fact you are better suited to care for her , and ensure she develops normally , and becomes a productive member of society , The mom seems lazy and not concerned with the overall development of this child , if she is crazy , get proof such as surveillance , do what ever you have to do and just get your daughter , it is expensive , but my two from a marriage was well worth it . you can not put a price on a child even though lawyers , and judges do .





Or you will just have to train the child on your own to use the potty when she is at your house , once she learns it is the right way to go , she will do it at crazy , lazies house too. But as parents it needs to be worked out this is not a co-op , or a parental franchise , you both are Parents , not co- signers or co -parents , and how you deal with each other reflects with the child , she is young , but she is not stupid , kids learn how to behave ,and deal with life from Mom ,and Dad, and it starts from day one , if mom is not healthy for this child , get mom out of the picture ( Legally ) .
You two definitely need a consistant plan for your daughter.


Instead of using a child-size potty, get a potty seat that can be used on top of your regular toilet. Many children associate needing to use the bathroom with their own small potties, and then when you're not at home and they have to go, they panic. Also, ditch the Pull-Ups! They are only expensive diapers. I have never come across a family that has had success with Pull-Ups. At Target they sell absorbant underwear in the Baby section. (I believe it doesn't come with designs though...only plain white) These can hold a lot more, so there's less mess to clean up. You might also want to create a project out of her new Big Girl Panties...buy a package of plain white panties and some fabric markers or fabric paint and let her decorate them. She'll be proud of her artwork and may want to wear it all the time. Stickers also help...give her a sticker on either a chart or her shirt every time she uses the potty. Make sure you give her lots of compliments and hugs too. I clapped a lot when my daughter was potty-training, and she's now 3.5 and a potty pro! :) Kids usually figure out when they're ready to be potty-trained, so if she's still having some issues, give her some space. There's nothing worse than a stressed out 3 year old! Good luck! :)





BTW...if your ex seriously will only discuss things in court, be sure to mention this to your lawyer the next time you two meet. There should be no reason to delay potty training...especially for a reason so petty as wanting to be in front of a judge. You two obviously don't get along, so try sticking with the potty training plan at your place, and hopefully your daughter will incorporate the plan at the other house. I'm sorry you have to deal with so many issues at once! Good luck!
I'm sorry you are in such a situation. It's sad when a parent refuses to put aside their ';problems'; with the other parent and work for the benefit of the child. I don't know exactly how crazy your ex is, but you might try getting a potty or a trainer seat and step stool for your daughter to keep at her mom's house, if she will allow it. You daughter is old enough to tell you when she goes potty so maybe you can just tell her to do it all week and when you get her back you'll take her out for a treat or a new toy or something and keep rewarding her when she's at your house for how well she does there as well. If that doesn't work, maybe you should take the mother to court and try to seek custody on the account that she isn't even attempting to potty train the child. Alot of courts will give a father custody of a child if the mother is neglecting a child, which at three years old and she isn't even attempting to potty train her and the child is not physically or mentally handicapped then there's some serious neglect going on.