Do you have one principal rule that you parent by?Do you have a principal rule for parenting?
';know the whys';
this goes for both us parents and the kids.
for my husband and i, this means we're consistent, and thought has been put into discipline, etc. generally natural consequences, for either positive or negative behavior.
when it comes to our children, we explain the whys to them. we never just say ';no.'; (ok, ok, when my five year old son asks me for the millionth time if he can go to disneyland when it's an hour past his bedtime... we just say no... lol, but you get the idea.)
we think it's important that our children know we are thoughtful about our relationship with them, and the one our family has with society at large. and so far we're raising some pretty thoughtful kids!Do you have a principal rule for parenting?
My one principal rule for parenting my kids is.........................
Parent out of love and respect, never out of fear.
You can't go wrong if you do it this way. That, and LISTEN to the kid. Don't talk AT the child, talk WITH the child. The best thing is to know your child well.
When they are tiny, remember how frustrating it is to be not so verbal and trying to take in everything, learn the rules of physics as well as the rules of the house.
Be kind, firm, calm when the child gets out of control. You are the adult, always act like it. Even when the kid is driving you NUTS, that child is depending on YOU to be there for her, love her, protect her, and know when it is appropriate to let her stretch and grow and when it is time to protect.
It's definitely a balance act, but reading your question, I think the two of you are up for it! Enjoy your child! They grow up so quickly! Before you know it, she is going to be sitting the two of you down and explaining the simple facts that she is almost grown, and in order for her to go any further, you are going to have to TRUST her out there in the big world! (Around age 12 to 14 for a girl)
Don't make rules for rules, that's my rule. You never know what one kid relates to, the other may not.
and I'm sorry, but I'm laughing to myself reading your post. don't get caught up in bargaining ha ha aha..... my. you do have so much to learn...
one rule I do have. Pick your battles. And Ns angel has it right - you'll be exhausted.
Yes if they don't listen I spank them ps calling the cops means nothin im in Philly so it is legal
I don't know about one principal rule, but my husband and I both are big believers in letting children experience the natural consequences of their actions. We make their punishment fit the crime. Of course, our kids are 14 and 18, so we're looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, my hubby just hopes it isn't an oncoming freight train. LOL
Not to have any rules I have a teenage son and a two year old girl and the rules don't really work here. I listen to my son and if I feel he needs a grounding then i tell him why he's grounded as for my little one she is one strongwill one so I learned to compromise so I won't go crazy.
My Main rule: Everything is done in love. If I am angry or overwhelmed I ask for help.
NS made me laugh so hard! Also all kids are going to have tantrums, they can not be prevented.
';We're all learning, all the time. We're all still reaching up to the top of the ladder, and we've all got a long way to go. But for each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby; listen to him. Give to him; in the giving we are growing, as mothers and as women. As we watch him grow and thrive, we are watching an achievement that can really make us proud.';
Mary White, LLL co-founder
That, and
';Never underestimate your children.';
My dad
Natural consequence for negative actions and positive reinforcement for positive behaviors. Don't give in to tantrums... When my 2 year old throws herself to the floor at a store, I leave her there... walk 3-4 feet away and sure enough she gets up and runs after me every time... even apologizes... Just remember, you're the parent.
Yeah- don't ******* hit your kids or I call the ******* cops on you!!
I grew up by the rule that kids are to be seen and have very little opinions...or to be seen and not heard ....I have 5 children and i did my best with trying to listen to what they have to say right, wrong, or indifferent and let them know no matter what i will love them unconditionally....expression of ones self is a very beautiful sight............
Yes, I am the parent you are the child, it must have worked they all are grown now .
I heard something today and it sounded logical. Dont back down, if you say no then stick to it. If they whine and throw a fit then that is their problem and no matter what kind of fit(or how loud it is) dont give in. Im 17 and my dad did that with me he also rewarded me a lot. He still to this day doesnt really have to ask me to do anything i will just do it and i dont mind because he does so much for me. He helps me with my bills and he pays for my phone and he all around just listens to me and can see eye to eye on what im going through.(being young and people judging me on that). So I have lead a nice life and i wouldnt give my dad up for anything. He gets mad and he will threaten to take things away and he did spank me when i was little... untill i got old enough were i would laugh at him(didnt make him to happy lol). But he is there and my mom has been her my whole life but she isnt good i dont like her because she doesnt do things for me she requires respect when she doesnt giive it and she likes to pull the ';im the adult so you should listen';-word of advice DONT say that to a child. The child will see that as ';okay, your bigger then me, how does that make you better then me'; thent they will rebel and try and show you that they are just as good as you.
All in all what im trying to say is just be fair! Talk to a child, when their young get on the floor and play with them at their level and when they are old enough to talk get on their level and look them in the eye let them know that you care and that you respect them. Its human nature to want to do things for someone who makes them feel good and if you do things for them. If you want a child to empty the dish washer dont just say hey do this... ask them to help you do it and do it with them. Just like with any other chores. They are jsut as much a person as you so respect them and treat them like a equal human not just someone that you have to do **** for you and to boss around then you will have a huge problem on your hands.
Good luck!! Have fun with your pretty little one!! Congrats!
I have 3 boys, they are 15,12 %26amp; 5. My #1 rule is no blood, no flood, no fire, no tattling. If they tattle just to be tattling the tattler gets the same punishment!! MAN, I HATE TATTLING!!!
if your going to go by the rule the parent's always win, then be prepared to fight every little itsy bitsy battle, and u will be tired, and worn out.
my husband taught my son the ';golden rule';
and i laffed when i heard it:
we don't eat members of our own family
Well I understand, But it gets rocky, when your trying to reason with a Autistic Child, a ADHD child,. I know no ecuse. But no one really knows how hard it is when your out in public.
We as parents, are not always right.As LiFE is a learning experiance. Sometimes my kids teach me! I just like to take it one step at a time, and I like to be sure that as my children grow up that they will always know that,
#1. Their is nothing in life that you and I can't handle together.
#2. Trust- I will always trust in you, and you will always can count on me.
#3.Remember to always have RESPECT and it will RESPECT you.
Parenting will come with ease if your children understand the meaning of LIFE
Parents need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. If that means sending the child from the room while parents discuss, then do it. There's been a lot of questions on parenting on Y/A that essentially say that the parents have different ideas of discipline, with the more permissive parent being the ';good guy' and the other parent being the ';bad guy.';
Children will try to play one parent against the other, but they should never succeed.
Don't sweat the small stuff. pick your battles (colored hair, an occasional swear word is much better then drugs or sex right?) learn to let go (this one I am having HUGE problem with... teenagers, ugh) and love unconditionally. My one principal rule is guilty until proven innocent i.e.don't fall for that, it's who they hang around or society that is making them do things, they have brains and you taught them right from wrong, don't blame anyone but your own kid or your parenting skills.
Rules are a tricky thing. Every child is so different it is hard to apply any absolute to them. I generally agree that ';the parents always win'; The problem is in thinking quickly on your feet or having a plan for every situation. My mother always tells me never to threaten things that you can't/won't follow through with. You lose your clout and then the child won't believe you next time. Easier said then done. But I try harder every day.
It is easy to say what you ';would do'; before you have kids and are in the situation. It is harder to look at what you ';have done'; and learn from it. Once you look at what happened you can figure out what you want to do next time it happens and gain some consistency. I learn everyday from my three young children. I learn about them and I learn about me.
Yes I do and it is never let your child put himself/herself on the same level as a parent. You will always be a parent and they will always be the child. While many try to be a friend to their child and being friends isn't bad, it does set up the scene for a child to think they are your equal and this should never be.
Sorry.......but parents don't always win as I have learned this from raising 3 children who are grown now. As parents, we are human and make mistakes. A good parent will admit they made a mistake to a child and apologize and talk about it. You have a young baby, but someday you will find this out. They do grow up faster than you think! I always say ';Little children....little problems.......Bigger children......bigger problems.'; Never say never either. No....don't bargain with a child as this will only make the child more determined than ever to wear you down to get their way. Only once did I have to take my 3 children out of a store because they were jumping all over the furniture. I removed them from the situation and it never happened again. Good luck with your little sweetheart!
Yep, ';Treat others as you would like to be treated.';
It's how I treat my child, how I set an example about treating others and what I teach him directly (as in, ';would you like it if Mama used a mean voice?'; him: ';No.';, me: ';Then we don't use a mean voice when we talk to mama.';)
This rule also has meant I won't spank him (because all it teaches him is : it's okay to hit people) or allow him to cry alone (because I would be really hurt if someone I loved so much left me to cry alone).
We still have boundaries and rules which at five he rarely breaks.
With that attitude you will be mired in a power struggle for the next 40 years. Your job as the parent is to grow your child up with LOVE and high self esteem.
first of all kids don't have tantrums.....kids that have ignorant parents have tantrums....my child never had a tantrum....why? because you have to EXPLAIN THINGS TO THEM....do not just take things away from them and stress them out...do not hit your child for touching things....make sure your house is childproofed and let the child do whatever they want because that is how they LEARN......as long as you childproof and put things away that you dont want them to touch you will be fine...always explain what you are doing and why and your kid will never have a tantrum...always give hugs and love and attention.....that's what kids need and never get....
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