I grew up the first 11 years of my life with an abusive, alcoholic, wannabe actress mother who believe in ';traditional parenting,'; loved to control me and was proud of the level of ';obedience'; (see: compliance out of fear) she had from me, and liked to take her troubles out on me by mashing me up.
I spent the rest of my childhood with loving fathers who had an extremely liberal parenting style, who treated me like a small adult rather than a child, and trusted me to make my own choices. They never sought to control me, but rather to model responsibility and decency in their own actions and let me make the decision about what kind of person I wanted to be.
I use my mother as a how-to of bad parenting, and I use my parents as role models for good parenting and good people. There are a few things I do differently from them, but not all that much.
It's always a choice, whether you do what your parents did or not. Some people just don't like to think for themselves, so they keep doing the same things their parents did, using the always reassuring justifications (that may or may not be true) of: ';Well, I turned out fine,'; or ';It didn't affect me.';
You can either keep doing that, out of laziness and refusal to change because it's difficult, or you can honestly examine what was good and bad about the home you were raised in. Some people (upon truly honest examination without the justifications for tradition) will do what their parents did, some will turn away from it. Most, I'd wager, would (IF they bothered to think about it) settle on a mix, taking the good of what their parents did and replacing the bad with a new idea.
But most people don't think for themselves. They go along with whatever their parents, the church, their group or culture at large did, without thinking, simply because it's easier.How much of your parenting is determined by the home you were raised in?
I think that the home I was raised in determines 90 percent of my parenting. My husband and I both came from divorced families. His mom is/was a drug addict. His father raised him and never pushed him in school. I think that he wants us to be more involved with our kids because his parents never were with him. My parents, though divorced, always got along and always had a united front when it came to me. I think that helped a lot. We also decided that I would stay at home until the kids started school full time.How much of your parenting is determined by the home you were raised in?
All of it, as I parent almost entirely in opposition to the way I was raised. I've kept the parts that work, and thrown out the rest.
Isn't all of our parenting influenced by the formative adult-child relationships we experienced ourselves? For most (although not all) of us, that's the people who raised us.
I think in many ways, parents do the opposite of what their own parents did.
Think about it: if your mother was insanely strict and was always searching your room for signs of drugs or condoms, and you always hated her for that, you'd probably be a more lax parent, allowing your child privacy.
On the other hand, if your parents gave you free rein and respect your privacy, but you knew that they were stupid (little did they know about that stash of coke and KY jelly and condoms in your closet!), then you'd probably feel you were being smart by going through your teenager's room.
Oh my, I think it matters tremendously! We learn behaviors from our parents, that is why it is so important to treat kids fairly because these things cycle. If you want a major change from how you were raised it will take great effort and maybe counseling. morals and values are learned behaviors.
Unfortunately, very little.
50%
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